Sunday, April 23, 2017

It's Never Mean Nothing


No one can define what it really is.

I am in utter amazement whilst writing this topic because I am into it.

Let me start with the word "apparently".

There's a good reason why I keep my feeling unspoken. 
I really want to say I love you but it will hurt someone else.

        Apparently, there are a lot of lovebirds out there. The question is, does it really love that cling them together or just... you know.... wealth.... appearance... benefits... blablablabla... stereotypically saying...

What say you?

           As a matter of fact, me myself don't really can make head or tail when it comes to define love. I merely don't know how to convey the meaning of it because it's beyond my line of thought. I can make a good love storyline but not a comprehension about it. As well none of you can.

           So, I'll cut all the crap and start telling you what I really want to say. First of all, I'm sorry for the bad introduction because  I am shy to start the foreword with simply "I've fallen in love AGAIN". I thought the ability to love is long gone but lately it came and warms my heart. For the first time, I mean for the first time in a long of time, my heart got it's beat right to the rhythm. It's beating harmoniously like never before.

             I'd never made up good in love previously, so I'm afraid it will be the same this time. I lied when I said she is not my type. I tried to convince myself that I don't love her. I tried to seek her flaws and tried to hate her, but as the time goes by, it's made me fall deeper into her. Maybe, my willingness to be with her is more than my thought to just leave.

              But this love is complicated more than it seems. Honestly, there is no way out without being hurt. I may step out from this love but at the end I'll live the rest of my life with regret. Stepping out is the last thing I'll do. I'd never want to do it. Ever.

             All about my limitation. I am not really into my selfish thought either. I'm not giving up and let her slip away. I just let her happy with her life. I'm not going to drag her with my limitation. For now, I know I couldn't afford what she wanted so I just let her with someone else. I need time to improve myself. Maybe she wouldn't need me anymore at the time when I am a better somebody. But that "maybe" is worth of trying. No one knows what the future may bring right? Maybe at that time she still waiting. 

For the moment, let me live in envious for the sake of her joys.

Written by: An adorable demon.

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