Monday, April 17, 2017

The Demon Inside Me

Leaving... Losing... Being left alone, keep losing and try to survive between truths and lies... 

And that really sounds like me... 

Surrounded by bad lucks... merely because I tried to bury the demon deep inside... 

But apparently, the demon knows his way back to the surface of my life... 

or just perhaps, the demon is a part of me...


        When someone leaves after everything I've done good, that rings the bell for me to realise I am no good at all... I'm a bloody demon... They come when they need, and when they don't, they forget everything even to appreciate things... The same crossroad, same deal, but non of them fulfills the promises that were made... Human beings are bloody ungrateful...

          Able to feel, able to love is a curse for a demon like me... Those make me weak, vulnerable to be hurt... I wish I'd be a better demon, a stronger one and don't have feelings like human... Up to this time, I was afraid to tell people my past, to tell what I really was or what I am... Because what I've done before are too far from forgiveness... and I'm afraid of being left and live in a lonesome...


        I feel amazed, fascinated, feeling impressed when I see the beauty of the light enlighten up the sorrow of the darkness every damn frigging night... Maybe I'm just evil but not a complete darkness... Somehow, I miss the light when it's too dull... But when it's too bloody bastard bright, I don't like it at all...

         Maybe I just love to live in between... In where I don't have to chose neither bad nor good... and in where I don't need to stand with the truths or to lie within lies... or... perhaps, I'm just scare of the truths and afraid to be lied... I mean not again... like it was happen a thousand tick of times before... or... probably. I'm just tired of living this life...

         Hope....? What does it sound to you..? Frankly, I hate to admit that I'm hoping for something... I have to lie that I don't hope so I won't feel frustrated later on... Because I'm scare of disappointment.... You might be guessing how a demon like me would end up afraid with everything... well.... I'm not supposed to, but  I ought to be like this... it's because I have faith...

I believe in some later time, there'll come the one who will accept me, purify me from my sins, will love me like never before and willing to stand by me till the end of the time... 

hope so...

Such an adorable words by a hilarious demon like me;
April 17, 2017



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